Nadav Spiegelman

The End of Your World

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The difference is that, before awakening, our personality structure feels much weightier, much heavier, much denser, because our whole identity is actually wrapped up in our conditioning. After awakening we know that the conditioning of our body-mind system is not personal; we know that it doesn’t define us. That knowledge, that living truth, makes it much easier and much less threatening to address the unraveling of our illusions.
This one question—“What do I know for certain?”—is tremendously powerful. When you look deeply into this question, it actually destroys your world.
If our orientation is simply to feel better in each moment, then we’ll continue to delude ourselves, because trying to feel better in the moment is exactly how we delude ourselves. We think our delusions are making us feel better. In order to awaken, we must break out of the paradigm of always seeking to feel better.
What I’m getting at is that it is totally natural to seemingly be awake one moment and then seemingly be asleep the next. It is natural to feel like you have lost some of the realization you had last week or last month or last year. The most important thing is to know that it is natural. Nothing has gone wrong; everything has just gone to a deeper level. Your entire system is being dredged clean in a deeper way. You are now capable of seeing yourself in a clearer light, and you are capable of seeing your tendency to go into separation in a more vivid way.
The truth of the matter is that most people who say they want awakening don’t actually want to awaken. They want their version of awakening.
If you avoid those aspects of your life that are not in harmony, those aspects of your life where you may still be in denial, that kind of avoidance is going to hinder your spiritual awakening. In the early stages, it may not have much of an effect. But later, as we get into the more mature opening of realization, there is no more room for denial.
This isn’t a journey about becoming something. This is about unbecoming who we are not, about undeceiving ourselves. In the end, it’s ironic. We don’t end up anywhere other than where we have always been, except that we perceive where we have always been completely differently.
I could feel a deep structural transformation happening in my brain, in the way my mind was working and functioning. That energetic process continued for two years, almost as if something or someone was in my brain cells, redirecting and restructuring them. After a couple of years I noticed a much greater capacity for clarity and simplicity.