The Heart of Dominance
- Anton Fulmen
- My last highlight
- Number of highlights
If you're curious about what early leather culture was really like, I can wholeheartedly recommend finding an original copy of The Leatherman's Handbook or the somewhat later Coming to Power, and reading the essays on the topic by community elders like Guy Baldwin, Jack Rinella or Gayle Rubin.
It's not "Are you willing to fetch me a cup of coffee?" It's "If you want to serve me, you may fetch me a cup of coffee."
None of that buys forgiveness, because forgiveness isn't something that can be bought, or that anyone is ever entitled to. We own up to our mistakes and do what we can to fix them and prevent them from happening again for our own integrity. Then those who were hurt by them get to make the decision of how or if they want to remain connected with us.
By responsibility I mean being competent at following through: at doing what you said you were going to do, when you said you were going to do it.
A desire to dominate often creates conflicts within us. Conflicts with our sense of right and wrong ("Am I a tool of the patriarchy?"), conflicts with our other desires ("I want to support my beloved partner and I also want to degrade them."), conflicts with our fears and insecurities ("I want to be called a goddess, who will possibly take that seriously?").